It's been to long since i blogged.. why.. I'm not sure, but the past few months have flown by. I have actually been in survival mode for the past two years. Yes the twins have turned 2, and to be honest, i don't remember a lot. Good thing Paul is camera happy. I don't remember them being so small, the day to day activities, however i do remember the endless nights of no sleep (from teething, bad dreams, wanting to be held, etc.) Now it hasn't been all that bad, but it's been EXHAUSTING. Yes I'm going to say it.. being a mom is exhausting. And yes i know.. I prayed for these two, and would not want it any different (on a good day i can say that.. hahaha). I have felt that every mom out there just loves being a mom, doing the daily routines of kids things, changing poopy diapers, playing with the kids, feeding them.. the list goes on and on. I have felt like an inadequate mom, because quit frankly, i haven't enjoyed any of that. Everything seems like a chore. So why this funk that I'm in.. I don't know.. feeling like I'm a bad mom. Then just recently after expressing my feelings to a few different moms/friends i found out I'm NOT the only one that feels this way.. in fact more women feel this way then are willing to admit.. and damnit, let's be honest.. it's not all fun and games and women that act like it is.. well it's a lie.
I'm trying to shake this funk I'm in..enjoy every day or at least find something to enjoy everyday.
TODAY i feel like i can do this.. i can be a mom and be happy doing it, because the past two years have gone by like a blink of the eye.. and I'm sad to say, i don't remember a lot.. yes survival mode most of the time. Before i know it Ryan and Kaden will be off to school, having their own friends, hugging mom will be soo uncool, and snuggling.. well that will come to an end :(
So from here on out, I'm trying to how i can enjoy motherhood (even the days they are both puking on me) because I'm the one that they want to hold them.. and the house work, laundry, shopping, etc. will always be there.
So today, i love being a mom.
Ps: did i mention Kaden got a hold of a RED marker and scribbled all over our Tan sectional.. yes, i repeat, i love being a mom.. :)
1 comment:
Oh, my gosh! I know exactly how you feel. I wrote a blog post years ago about how I compared myself to certain people who seemed to 'have it all together'. When Megan E. found out that I was talking about her, she just laughed and laughed. I'll have to send you a link to a post I wrote about those feelings of inadequecy. We all feel them.
YOu're doing a great job. Seriously.
(And, I'm so glad you're blogging again!)
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