dear food, i love to hate you!

Here is my dilema.. I LOVE FOOD. I eat when i'm happy, sad, lonely, bored, need to keep my hands busy. You know more times then not, i just eat.. it's doesn't even taste great. So why do i do it?? I dont know. I have done hypotherapy, energy work, diet after diet to cure this addiction. Where am i at today?? 100 lbs over weight. UM, something is wrong with this picture.
Thursday July 27th, here's what i ate. Frosted cherrios with milk, 2 cheese and meat burritos (deep fried of course) 52 oz of dr. pepper, 12 oz dr. pepper, 12 oz. Live wire mtn dew, chicken breast, potatoes, green beans, 7 layer chocolate fudge cake, bag of popcorn...oh and i can't forget 2 cupcakes. SOO i ask, why am i 100lbs over weight? LOL.
That night walking up the stairs my legs, feet and back where killing me. I crawled into bed in a food coma (i had to take 2 sleeping pills from all the caffiene), body aching and stomach ache i finally drifted off to sleep, and hoping that i would actually wake up friday and prayed i hadn't given my self a heart attack.
The next morning i woke up feeling horrible, all these questions running through my head, how can i expect my kids to be healthy when i'm not, how can i keep going when i can barely walk and what is it going to take to get me to stop?!
I texted a girlfriend of my and decided i need a partner, someone to be accountable to. Someone i can be brutely honest with and share the dreaded "MY ACTUAL WEIGHT". Someone i could trust to push me, scold me and be my biggest cheerleader.
So here we are day 4 of healthier eating, no soda (expect the minimal diet coke of course), exercising and really doing this.  NO MORE EXCUSES!!!
I start a body cleanse day 5, heaven knows my body needs it.

Last night i craved something really sweet, (didn't help that i was watching Cupcakes Wars ) I texted my girlfriend again... HELP, i need something sweet... after texting back and forth about how our first few days have gone, i got a tall glass of ice water and drank that instead. One crisis adverted :)
Now i  know that there will be good days and bad days, but with the support of one of my best friends that's in it with me, i will get that 100lb weight off.

Food is my silent killer, i hate you and love you at the same time. Some day we will be friends and i choose not to allow you to rule my life anymore!!