Jesse Leon Otto

Jesse Leon Otto came into our life, for only a short time. He was born on June 22, 2010. He lived a short 7 mins. He was delivered via c-section at Ogden Regional Medical center. His little heart stopped beating right before he was placed into our arms.

June 14th i go in for what was suppose to be a routine check up and our target ultrasound.. we were finally going to find out the sex our of baby. I arrive to the office, sit in the waiting area, turn on my phone and update my status on Face book.. "At the Dr office right now, finally going to find out the sex our baby..."

I finally get my turn in the the ultrasound tech. We exchange small talk about how many kids we already have, what we think the baby is going to be. The tech stops talking and ask, "have you been drinking enough fluid?" a million questions start running through my mind.. "why would she ask that, have i not drank enough water, could it be all those cokes i drank.." i respond, "i think so.. why?" She proceeds to tell me that my fluid levels are low.. he doesn't speak much after that. Next thing i know she says.. "i need to go get your doctor, " of course i begin to panic and ask if it's serious.. her reply "yes there is something wrong and it's serious.." with that she hands me the tissue and is out the door.

As i lay there on the table, looking up at the dimly lit ceiling, the tears begin to flow, how can this be happening, what could be wrong, I'm 5 months along, how can they just be seeing this now, she's obviously mistaken.

Two Doctors and the tech return, and start discussing what she sees. Then turn to me and ask "do you have any questions.." "yes i reply, i don't understand what you are talking about.."

they proceed to tell me that our baby is not going to survive, that he has not developed the way he should have. That his spine and skull have not formed.

I can't control the emotions now, they are spinning out of control. I'm by myself, no one to hold my hand, no one to share this devastating news with. The doctors leave so i can get up and my doctor tells me he'd like to meet with me in another room. The tech helps me up and walks me to the room, before she closes the door, she turns with tears in her eyes, walks to me and gives me a hug... telling me how sorry she is. With that she is gone. I'm left in the room, waiting for the doctor, frantically trying to call Paul. No response.. i try 6 more times and just his voicemail. I then call my mom.. i need to tell someone. I finally get a hold of her, between sobs explain what is going on... her and my dad where on there way within hours.

the doctor returns and asks me what would i like to do, that we are going to have to deliver this baby. i had several options #1 deliver vaginally, #2 Dialate & Evacuate, #3 c-section.

I tell him i need a 2nd opinion and need to see a specialists. He agrees that i have the right, and gets me an appointment the next day in Salt Lake City.

With blood shot, puffy eyes i leave the office.. go to my car and just sit there.. unable to move, unable to speak, unable to breath.. Our baby was not going to live!!
Finally able to get a hold of Paul, he leaves work immediately. Ryan and Kaden are being taking care of by Alyssa. I return home, numb... i go to my room.

Paul is come within a 1/2 hr.. he comes to our room.. all i can do is sob. We both sit there in disbelief and emotionally raw.

The next day i head to salt lake, with a lot of support of family (my parents, Paul and sister Michelle) by my side, we get to the office and meet with the doctor. He proceeds with an ultrasound as well, and goes over the report from my doctors office. He is able to explain to us more about what the baby has. He was diagnosed with Anencephaly: a cephalic disorder that results from a neural tube defect that occurs when the head end of the neural tube fails to close and usually between 23rd and 26th day of pregnancy, resulting in the absence of a major portion of the brain, skull and scalp. Most babies with this genetic disorder do not survive birth.

Nothing can be done medically to save this baby, nothing that i have done caused this to happen.. it's just one of those rare things that happens. He goes on to explain that i could carry this baby full term and he will continue to grow and so will i, but the outcome will remain the same. He is only alive, because i am his life support. The decision is then ours as to when the baby will be born.